my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize