guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
