I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
