I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
