i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
