i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize