i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
