So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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