bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
