I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
