the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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