I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
