pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize