You really coming over, don't trick.
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
