i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Randomize
