I will die if light touches me.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
