He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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