Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
