Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
