We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
