i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
