I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
