god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Randomize