Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
please come you make the beer taste better
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
