in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
