I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I am available for nakedness
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
