I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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