if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
