so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
