she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
worst night to have a conscience
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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