just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
