I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize