WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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