It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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