there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Randomize