i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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