I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
