What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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