somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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