She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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