So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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