I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
