Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Can you bring me the toilet please
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Randomize
