"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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