If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
