It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Randomize
