CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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