I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize