she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize