Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
