is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
