Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
