just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
