It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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