I just cut my nipple shaving
one might say we're banned from that church
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
