All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize