He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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