3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
