Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
