I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
