I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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