okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
