I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Randomize
