dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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