She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
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