i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
