Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
