walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
